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else to try. I was looking for
God in "feel good" campfire
songs and car washes to raise
money to go to Six Flags.
Never once did God or Jesus
speak to my heart. I was in
church every time the door
was open, but I never felt like
I was there. When it came
time for me to get saved (the
second time, because the first
time didnt "work") I had just
repeated the simple prayer of
a visiting revival preacher who
didnt know me from Eve, and
suddenly, I am "born again?"
Every once in a while, on this
trip to Hope, I would hear
that familiar little voice in my
head, "Just take it off, its
okay, you can do it next time,
youll be stronger next time."
The same voice I had heard so
many times before, on this
same highway, going to the
same destination. And always
on trips before, I would finally
give into the voice at the
state line, which we crossed
at Texarkana.

On this trip, however, when-
ever I heard that voice, I
would close my eyes; take a
deep breath and say,
"Audhubillah min ash-shaytan
nir-rajim." When we passed
the Flying J at Mandeville:
"Audhubillah min ash-shaytan
nir-rajim." When we passed
Fulton: "Audhubillah min ash-
shaytan nir-rajim." When we
passed the truck weigh sta-
tion, just outside of Hope:
"Audhubillah min ash-shaytan
nir-rajim." Driving through
Hope: "Audhubillah min ash-
shaytan nir-rajim."
I would make the same duah
many times that week, "Ya Al-
lah, I am relying on You to get
me through this week. And
only You can help me, only
You can get me through this
test." I saw it as no coinci-
dence that Laila Nasheeba had
just days before given a lec-
ture during the Tawheed class